Seriously, can this get any worse/longer?

June 9, 11:45. (what is this a documentary?!)

Get stuck in a room with a camera phone, blue plastic spectacles, ipod and one hardcore snoring father. Would YOU survive? I'm trying hard to sleep and remain conscious at the same time. Truthfully, I haven't really concentrated in sleeping yet. Labo mehn. The sheep fled when the phone's auto flash flicked on. Wuhoo

~and i'm back in the game~ that line must feel good. Haha.

This is suddenly awkward – and pathetic. I'm writing/texting my thoughts because destiny went kaboom and I'm daring myself to sleep in my folks' room.haha. eek destiny, that freaking losing connection. you're going war hasn't yet begun since mother dear is still in subic admiring the dolphins.

speaking of dolphins, that 41 year old millionaire is off the hizzle baby. (maybe i should stop talking like some fat ass foo) she married a 35 year old dolphin! she should have married our dog, kevin. haha. papa's grumbly snooze sounds are getting louder. oh dear.

the birthday wish! ha! i'm starting my bed time prayer in just a few moments then i remembered what happened earlier today. i finally blew a candle and wished/prayed. then i cried. why the noodle did i cry again? can someone please slap (or spank-that'd be hotter hahaha) me back to sanity. this leaving thing is scratched already. (gasgas na) no need to make a big fuss about it.

i've got 21 minutes left on the sleep timer. Panic! is an effective mood setter/a good replacement for counting sheep. i'm missing someone. haha. yey! nytie! toodles.

(this looks short but there's more to this that you think you know. that's not confusing. you're not confused.)

June 10. (the whole boring heart-pounding day. this does look like a term paper.)

I. Another one of these pathetic attempts to materialize my thoughts through my phone would require a strait-jacket. i have anemia (so that's why i'm orange), butterflies in my tummy and one big rock on my esophagus, idiomatically speaking. destiny must have risked their phone operators' ears in order to upgrade or fix their damned optical fibers. if i call later, that would be my third call within 24 hours. well, that's not my point. I'm thinking about RISKS all day. risks or if we may put it, sacrifices. the latter sounds too biblical while the former seems too technical. scary. haha:o

here's one serious topic even if i'm not in the mood. i just have to get it over with. in philippine history, rizal gave up his love for leonor rivera (while still hoping that they'd be together) to stand for his country. (i'm not saying i'm going to be heroic cause i'm lightyears away from being something like that). in faith, jesus gave his life for the whole wide world's salvation.(i'm getting goosebumbs) in school, they had to tighten our belts and burn our pockets to have airconditioners in our rooms. (that one's just unfair hahaha) in the family, mom stopped her work in order to bring us up properly. (not that i'm working or anything) personally, i'm thinking of giving something off in exchange for a probable happy ending or a dreaded tragic farewell. it might also hinder me from going mad.

either way, i'll have to face reality. i'm quite rushing myself back to the real world. this could hurt. it might. it will. the earlier, the better. if it's meant to be, it will find its way-and if i really do feel what i think i'm feeling, i'll confront my fears. here's the plan.if worse comes to worst, let it go, learn from it, move one. if a happy ending's knocking, be happy, be thankful and yes, go party.

II.i'm losing it. i'm not even sure how to put it into words or something. hunger, boredom, anxiety all put together is quite a sight to behold. i can't wait for the reply. i can't put myself together. i can't tell which part of my body hurts more. hahahaa dramaaaa. one thing's for sure. planless or not, i'm telling it tonight. you don't even want to see me admit it. maybe i don't deserve to say it in front of you. noodles, i'm not sure if i'm even worth the forgiveness.

tummy's growling louder. feeling's eating me-instead of me eating some edible animal. eating is at the bottom of my list this moment. i can't tell you how hard it is or how scared i am of letting it all out.

ha. "barenaked it may feel, risk it all for something real." now i understand the lines. "let it go and if comes back to you then you're meant to be. the truth hurts. the truth shall set you free." i'm not quite sure about the coming back part though. that's what i'm scared of. what if it doesn't come back? at least i told the truth? i'm doing this because i know this is right. it should be build on truth and trust(thouth a bit redundant), equality and the overused, underestimated word/feeling/choice, LOVE. love IS a choice and i decide that i do love and trust you. i'm sorry if i haven't told you sooner.

III. (trilogies are boring. not.)

then, it happened. la di da dum dum da doo. i told you. i'm telling you again, i'm sorry. it's unbelievable how such a leap of faith can feel so overwhelming and inferior at the same time. i talked too much but that's not the point. i'll wait. no deadlines, no due dates, no limited time offers. i'll wait. i even prepared my "speech" an hour before but heck, speeches don't count. it's the thought and the feeling behind every action that counts.

maybe there's something more to this world for everyone (is that a song?) and we're all looking for it. people make mistakes in the process. they make risks. i did. maybe if those things happened, i'm not the person i am right now. it doesn't make me less of who i am. my mom told me that (she was pertaining to my height at that moment.)

i'm thankful. oh God i am. i prayed most of the night though i don't think i can pray anymore. the first instinct this morning was to pray too. things will change. i just hope that we'd be closer and this be stronger.

oh noodle, there's this thin line between sanity and the leprechaun world in front of me. haha.

remember nietzsche. that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

noodle he's right but i'm not strong enough. i don't know. the resolution? stop asking mr magic 8 ball. he's driving people insane. tomorrow is our beloved independence day. yey. we're free.

is this the longest post so far? oh gosh. sorry. juno and patty are so sweet. haha.

pero cutie kami. hahaha.toodles.


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