Fear

Not the great scary blood-sucking game. Fear. It denotes the agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. People of all shapes and sizes sense fear. Anxiety over different things either give the person courage or shame. Triumph over these makes heroes. Who knows who'll be the next hero? S/he might be you.

i'm afraid myself – and noodle, i'm pulling out my guts to overcome them. if i make a list of what i'm afraid of, what will it do to me? that would just be an affirmation that i am, more than less, a scaredycat. fine. since boredom kills all my other teen-angst, hormone-driven rants and raves, here's a list. i am afraid of…

  • spiders
  • blood from other people
  • something piercing my eye. ooh i get day-mares from these.
  • letting go and leaving.
  • crashing onto cars or whatsoever accidents.
  • not making lists.
  • walking over manholes and gridded paths.
  • seeing pus.
  • my allergies.
  • nicki's saliva.
  • snappy's stench.
  • not doing anything.
  • not going anywhere.
  • having no one to talk to.
  • not hearing any song within the day.
  • not getting into college.
  • the magic 8 ball saying something unwanted.
  • red eyes.
  • ghosts and other paranormal things except dwarves. ( i had friends when i was a kid)
  • getting angry.
  • sleeping in my hard yucky bed.
  • next year but not next next year.
  • not spending christmas with my family.
  • not going to groceries without mama.
  • closing bank accounts but not opening them.
  • getting money from other people even if the money's mine.
  • not having anything to wear.
  • not having world peace.
  • making decisions that might disappoint other people.
  • holding back my emotions.
  • someone getting angry
  • not seeing someone
  • getting any part of my body cut off/getting dismembered. haha.
  • being afraid or thinking that i am.

that's all, i guess. not much, huh? they all look the same anyway. ngarr. Trina brought the ipod to school. she's not going to use it! why did she take it? argh. isn't it ironic? i'm listening to first of summer even if the last of summer has just come to pass.

mom asked me if i wanted to work in a call center while idling here in the corrupt islands of the Philippines. why not? at least i can do something. we MUST go back to that ophthalmologist. my glasses are scratched.mother dear is taking me with her. she's going on a sniff test then some talk thing with someone. no idea but i'm tailing her. i'd rather do that than get baked here. it's red-hot hot. oh imagine if i'm still in high school with those long sleeves. hahaha. jabarrr. hahaha.

okay i gotta go poofie. i'll update this later with some of my 2:30AM pics. haha.some psychotic spirit must have possessed my body that time. even the wall became a prospect. *_*.

toodles.

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