catch me.

i’m thinking of password protecting this post since it’s not really meant to be read by random people who are self-proclaimed farts. talk about carrying his own name, huh? moving on. i’m not wasting wordpress’ precious webspace on the moronic idiot.

the overwhelming feeling of uncertainty and anticipation makes me paranoid. i’m thinking of the odds that something’s there against a hoped for false alarm. maybe i’m just stressed out that’s why it won’t come yet. i’ve been thinking the whole day and it seems that there are always two sides of the story no matter how i look at it. i can’t simply jump into conclusions without enough proof. i can’t be overly emotional because it will only ruin my beauty. hahaha. “it rains when you’re crying.” though i love the rain, i hate crying. it makes me feel so heavy and light and beautiful and ugly at the same time. my trademarked laugh preceding every crying moment just makes it all so comical yet so real. nyahaha. oh the drama of it all.

moving on…Jesus, I thank you for making me feel these things. i am human after all. the mistakes and shortcomings hit me every time. the thrill keeps me going. the mystery keeps it all so interesting. one thing i’m not sure about is what’s going to happen. positive, i’m not sure what to do next. i know i will eventually have to make a choice given the circumstances. negative, i wouldn’t know how to thank you more. please let it be one big false alarm. i’m not ready yet. we’re not capable of giving it the best things life has to offer. i’m pretty sure that’s what we want and that’s what it needs. forgive me for all the wrong things i’ve done. in a search for a higher meaning and satisfaction, the disappointments and happy times strengthen me. Jesus, thank you for answering my prayers most of the time. you’ve given me more than enough. all i ask is give us more time for this, not now. it’s too early. pleeeeeeaaase. i put my trust and confidence in you. as what mami has taught me, jesus jesus come to me and make a sweet good child of me. so small my heart it longs for thee, come live in it but thee. amen. i know the universe conspires with whats in the heart. for that and for everything else, let your will be done.

we shall wait for world peace. world peace will have wait too. toodles.

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