i want to go home…wherever that is.

i’m doing this for the sake of letting it all out so don’t go thinking i need medication cause ooh, she’s totally emotionally unstable, okay? if you’re in my place, you’d feel the same, or worse. i don’t know. hell. the rollercoaster high i felt this afternoon turned all the way down south to hell in less than the time it takes to even say ugh. tell a tale. in a semi-short cornucopia of blabber, here’s what happened the whole day…

i bonded with my cousins, cheska and camille, and tita lyn in knotts. we rode 6 coasters. we didn’t get all of it, i know. such a bummer, eh? camille was already having a headache, i’m crunching down cause of dysmenorrhea, tita lyn’s tired and cheska wants to ride the carousel…or the swing. hahaha whattabout. it was fun. i enjoyed most when i was with cheska in rip tide. it’s a ride that drenches people and makes them barf. hahaha. i’m still having the after shock of that ride. i miraculously ate 2/3 of my burger. i was supposed to eat only half of it – less than half, even – but tita lyn made me finish it till i was sure of making myself a barf machine the next ride. we didn’t ride anything after that, though. yada yada. it was f.u.n. and s.u.n.n.y. and w.e.t. and if you came from the philippines, you’d notice that our party dresses there are like local normal house clothes here. haha.i’ve seen some on people’s multiply albums and some here. matching. hahaha. oh, and if you’re fat, don’t worry. you’ll fit in here. hahaha.
back at t. lyn’s house, we watched radio. there were a lot of people cause it really is like a dorm/reunion there everyday. they have two guests this weekend. t.pam and t.mel i guess. forgot their names. haha sorry. the bad thing happened when t.lyn caught me eating another one of the funnel cakes (t.gina pronounced it as FENNEL KEYK. then seriously repeated it several times afterwards. hahahahaha). she made me stop. that was the only time i really had the appetite to eat (considering i was in a good mood and that i’m pretty tired and hungry and that it was drenched in STRAWBERRY jam and that they even had spaghetti waiting for me to devour. off. i’m going to go to the gym after enroling tomorrow. don’t worry nee. haha) so i forced myself to stop. she was reprimanding me that i ate half of the funnel thing. i only ate a quarter or maybe 2/5 of it. not half. so i stopped then got the pasta (without the sauce cause it was missing. cheska found it on the other fridge. t.gina said i’m too lazy. i’m not. see? if i’m lazy, i would’ve looked like a balloon years ago) i’m fond of eating noodles alone so i ate with bare hands. hahaha. barbaric. sorry. i was just being childish šŸ˜€

carrying on, t. irene called me and asked what the numbers on my fone meant: my digital clock. hahaha. i found out she was planning to read my messages and stuff so i snatched it off her hands then went back to the dining table.here’s how the conspiracy blew up:

t.irene: ay may tinatago ka noh? sino yan? yung boypren mo? ang gastos mo na sa text ah! sabi sakin ng nanay mo!

me: alam ko. ah sinabi niya sayo? ahh.ok lang naman yun eh.

t.lyn: sino yun ah? aba ikaw ah!

t.irene: dba pupunta yun dito?

me: uhm. oo. citizen naman sha kaya madali lang eh.

t.lyn: ah alam mo na pupunta sha dito?

t.irene: kaya ka pala pumayag pumunta dito eh!!!!

(t.taan was seated in front of me.)

t.taan: ha? trisha pumunta ka dito dahil dun?!

(well, when she said that, she was looking straight at me. oh the pressure. i owe a lot to her.)

t.lyn,t.irene,t.gina:blahblah. didn’t hear her cause they were all shouting already.

me: ano baaaa! arrrgh.
knowing that i won’t be able to control the conversation and myself for that matter, i covered my face and went to the real dining area then ran upstairs – forgetting my dinner/snack. they were shouting that they were only joking. pikon ka naman! i cried on the couch while loli played mahjong on the computer. she was asking me, “trisha, umiiyak ka ba o naglolokohan lang kayo?“. i didn’t answer her, then she asked again. i don’t know if she understood me cause i was explaining in the middle of sobs and there was a pillow on my face. “ang mean nila! ok lang kay mama eh! ang mean talaga!” she said “pabayaan mo na, (then she was singing haha) ang mga tita mo matatandang dalaga na!” cheska came to comfort me. she said i should thank her cause she told t.taan to now give me 50 bucks a day for school. hahaha. she also told me that she hasn’t met any cute boy in like 20 years and that i can tease them endlessly if there’s a boy who’d text them but probably there won’t be any. hahaha. oh gosh. i really broke down. thanks ches, thanks loli. loli also told me that if anything like that happens again, i should just go to her.(my aunts even told me to hide it from loli when i got here cause she might not like it. turns out they’re the ones who are so intrigued and fascinated. haha.) loli and cheska were talking while i simply listened cause i can’t speak that time. they’re not hoping for additional cousins anymore. haha.

i’m already homesick and they won’t let me go. maybe not even for christmas. i swear i’ll save all my money just to be able to go back home this year. i’m already going to miss my dad’s 50th birthday, wouldn’t you please let me in for our 17th christmas together? at least before i turn legal! that conversation really hit me. hey, i love him okay? just because i’m young doesn’t mean i don’t feel anything. i know my responsibilities as well as my rights. i know i don’t have the right to complain and marry anyone yet (:p) but i know i can feel. i choose to.

i can’t stop crying. (the tears visit my cheeks continually since that moment.) nee :c maybe there’s a hormonal imbalance, maybe there’s this vulnerability due to homesickness. maybe it was the pressure, maybe it’s the topic. maybe because I’M HUMAN and I CAN ALSO GET HURT. yeah all right, if that’s what it needs. i’d rather get hurt and stand up for it. that way, world peace can happen. well, that’s a hero’s life. toodles.


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