sign it.//dramatico mucho.

am i such a liability? i was leaving my mom a message asking for money so that i can pay my ticket to go home. after that, i cried cause even if i’m trying hard enough not to be such an expensive brat, i still am. the plain ticket will eventually let me study in college for half a sem but i’m trading that so that i’d be able to celebrate my christmas with my family. it came to me that if i sacrifice a bit, i won’t be such a hassle to my family but i can’t. i simply can not. promise i’ll make it up to you, ma and pa. i’ll study diligently, do the household chores and if possible, get a job and save money so that i’ll be able to pay for nicki’s tuition in a good school plus i’ll be able to let you come here every now and then or make you live here.
do these situations normally constitute a pricey lifestyle? if only i can work, i will. the only ways i can earn right now are by doing my aunts’ requests, relying on my allowance, making art out of what came from my noodle (but i can’t bet on that. people will probably skip my art cause it’s too i-don’t-know.)

sadness and party music don’t mix.

99 stars edited. i won’t need an archery range or a tower or whatnot in my house. moments are more valuable than buildings.

am i over reacting most of the time? i think so. this uber-emotional girl should have her drama-cells erradicated. i mean, instead of storming my thoughts and emotions all at once, i should’ve kept it to myself long enough for me to sort things out and rationalize everything that has happened. no, i’m too immature to do that, and i’m sorry if i’ve cause too much damage.

immature. yeaaaah, a big one written on my forehead. how do people grow up? tell me cause i’m getting lost between being a crybaby and an independent college student.

faye was telling me not to think too much because it’ll only make matters worse. guess what? that’s what i told juno when he was furious the other day. i’m such a schizo-freaky-paranoid-self-centered-hypocrite. i’m sorry nee. i’m too selfish. every time i talk with you, after telling you what made me feel strangled, i always feel light – like i can breathe again or something, cause i know you’d understand me and i know you’ll be there for me even if we can’t really talk/see each other most of the time.

i am paranoid AND selfish remember? i’m sorry if you feel being held back because i’m too possessive. i want you to have friends. who doesn’t? i just want to know about it so i won’t feel left out. i’ll let you know everything too. so why is there still some drama left? like what i’ll tell you (cause i’m waiting for your reply right now), it’s because i don’t feel like i matter. haha paimportante. pfft. maybe it’s because we don’t talk that much. i’ll wait some more if i have to. just keep me stuffed with food and entertainment ah? hahah. šŸ™‚ btw, thanks faye. as always. you held me back. i might’ve jumped out of my window. hahaha. 2 stories lang naman eh. super girl ako hahaha. or i might’ve not stopped calling . malay ko ba.
crying. that’s a gamble.crying is like a coin with two sides. heads: it makes the heart lose its bad stuff. tails: it makes matters worse by making the person think and emote more; it also comes with a combo of puffy eyes.

i know you love me. i love you too. we’re going through some stage that most people encounter. it’ll make us strong afterwards, they say. let’s believe that. emo2-kissblush.gif

this came to me 2 seconds ago: why am i blogging all this if i should be “mature enough” to handle my drama? haha. maybe cause i want the whole wide world/world wide web to learn how emotions should be analyzed and rationalized properly slooooowly and not impulsively. take it from me. i’m such a wreck.

i pray…He and he’ll save me.

[this is a reflection, pala. oh how i miss our CL days.]

since today it’s already sept 11 back home, HAPPY BUTTDAY JUNO. emo2

edit: ignorance issue: i kept on saying pyro remember? pyro’s the one with fire. i’m actually referring to the one who can manipulate ice? he’s rogue’s boyfriend.. yeah that one. haha sorry.

toodles.

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