fuel for school.

this morning, i woke up with a realization that i’m far from getting out of college. it’s going to take me more and more years because of all the general ed classes and the course requirements. computer science in various schools requires more math and physics courses to be taken in mtsac. i looked at several sites and found myself so motivated to do well in school. it feels like i want to be in that school but i have to work on it. duh. i’m such a phony this sem. i haven’t joined anything. i only spoke to the people who talked to me in the first place. i’m such a loser. ahahaha.


next semester, i’ll make the most of my time because i don’t want to waste any of it. for the next few years, these shiny goals will keep me from flunking and doing mischief in school. i’m not going to cut anymore. that’s a resolution. another is that procrastination will be out of my vocabulary by january first. i promise that. why? cause i can’t handle myself anymore. i’m so lazy that i end up regretting not doing the things i should’ve done. this is why i’m here in america. this is why my parents allowed me to go all across the world and live with my aunts. i have to make my future. it won’t come to me on some golden platter with honey dip and a glass of apple cider. what i do and what i choose will soon affect my long-term 21st century future life. i don’t want to mess it up.

oh the motivation. it feels so refreshing. i’ve been dead all throughout my first semester in college because i thought things revolved around my beloved country. time proved me wrong. things can happen all the way across the world but it can still make a difference to its origin. i believe i can do this. i mean, i might not get into MIT or CALTECH or UCLA or CALPOLY or some other fancy top school but heck, i can say, “i’ve got more. too bad the school missed it.”

ugh. i’m so inspired to go there. it started when my dad introduced me to caltech. it was all pride and glory. Caltech. California Institute of Technology. ah the shining shimmering splendid goodness of studying in such a technical school known for having geeks around is so driving me mad. (don’t mind me. i like geeks. hahaha. i like nee geeks. ahaha :p) Then i learned that i’m going to study in UP because my papers were too late to be processed. Fine, University of the Philippines, it is. Three weeks after going to the infirmary for my physical exam, my mother dear told me that I’m not staying there. Surprisingly, I got accepted to a school in America. Oh great! I didn’t know when I had to leave for America but my aunts called and informed me that i should be here within 10 days. I only had 10 days to say goodbye to people, pack my things, finish all my sewing schnitzels and cry my heart out. When I got here, all the glory and beauty of California in the magazines disappeared. my memory of my last trip had been too sensationalized since i was only a kid back then; that’s why 90% of my life here is new to me. This first fall semester overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t want to go to class and I hated doing my homework. Consequently, I’m now stuck in studying and I’m here typing all the cheesy motivational loving i have in my red red heart. ahaha.

Yesterday was my first semester’s last day. It had also been my most dramatic day ever. I got pissed at Lotz. Faye and I talked on the phone for almost two hours. Kevin, my noisiest classmate was absent in precalculus – and a lot of people were asking why he wasn’t there. ahaha. I registered over the phone for my 16-unit, 4-class spring semester. My current phone plan got maxed out. TMobile even charged me an additional $4 for exceeding my plan. Tita Taan will kill me. I slept knowing I had to study hard and do a lot of homework. I slept with a grudge in my heart telling me to hasten the process of graduating. All that drama clouded me until I woke up and juggled through all the YM IM windows and opened the UCLA site.

It led me from one site to another until I remembered – what if i check my dream schools?

The universities I’m looking at. Here I go again.

MIT. I’ve heard of this school several times, and I wondered what’s with it that makes it so popular? haha. then i found out. it’s one of the top universitites in america. it even looks friendly and oooh i want to go here. i know i can do well in this school. there’s a gut feeling that makes me want to cry out loud to the heavens and study!

CALTECH. I told you why i like this school but when i read their site several times, it seemed to bullet-to-bullet black and white. unlike mit, it’s more research oriented than student-oriented.

UCLA. Last night, I asked T.Taan if i’m still going to apply to UCLA. She said the boarding costs too much because my tuition is sky-high expensive already. I want to go there because I’m not sure, really.

CALPOLY. it’s located conveniently. the school is known for its great computer science courses and all that. i really like this school but i still want mit! ahahaha.

and more schools… ( i’m kind of sticking to california because here’s where my family is and it’s the nearest inland state to home sweet home.

USC. CSU Fullerton. Devry Institute. CSU Long Beach.

That’s it probably. It’s harder to apply as a transfer student because there is more competition. I’m not sure if i’ll pass or not but it’s intentionally for the common good and world peace ahaha. though those schools drive me to the opposite end of procrastination, it’s not with the school – it’s with the student. All my other batchmates are in their second or third semester now and I’ve got no idea how they are doing. I’m hoping they’re also motivated to continue with the lean and long process of refinement and enlightenment. We’re the future and the preceding generation is telling us: you’re such an instant and spoiled generation. everything has to be passed onto your hands with ribbons on it. nothing good will happen to you. we’ll all end up killing each other.

at least that’s what our professor told us. it seems like in most of my classes, that does happen. the students need everything to be given to them on such a nice presentation. it’s demeaning to admit that if one isn’t motivated, the other follows, too. it’s all in a spiral that we cannot avoid. that’s not what we all want, do we?

i’ll start with myself cause i can’t persuade any other student to study harder and aim for something greater than my understanding if i haven’t started myself. there’s something for everybody and i believe mine’s waiting for me at the end of this semester. -i’m going home! haha. well that’s not the point here, is it?

Back to reality. It’s 9:20 in the morning and after taking a bath, I’m off to study study study because I’m so inspired ahaha.

its all in my hand. ahahaha



4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. robert
    Dec 27, 2006 @ 14:00:43

    stay home, don’t come to the U.S.


  2. trish
    Dec 29, 2006 @ 03:17:17

    why not? :))


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