World, meet my friend, Discretion. She is nice and friendly though she may not seem like she is. Discretion has a great way of rationalizing things, and she knows how to cook, too. I admire her ways of subtlety, of how she keeps things to herself, of how soft-spoken she is, of how she makes a statement without shouting. For all the world knows, there’s closure and assurance in every connection Discretion makes. Life may seem fun and peaceful with my dear friend, but she keeps her nightmares all to herself. In those disturbing nights, the sheep don’t come. Nor the Smurfs. Nor the Goats and the Gremlins. Her fairytale is on pause at night when she’s all alone with herself. She knows she’s in a one way street with her unspoken one-person all-nighter. She knows she cannot think about it, for it will only make matters worse. But pondering on it makes her feel like she’s way back in highschool. Things complicate themselves. I am not exactly sure what will happen with my friend, Discretion. Maybe she can meet my other friend, Delusion. She dreams.

That’s all she can do. That’s all they can both do.

Welcome to my idée fixe.

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Wishes!

My future cheatmate asked me what I want for my dear birthday. Dear world, I know you love me. =D

  1. V for Vendetta Mask
  2. Get a haircut
  3. Go to the beach and stay there till the following morning
  4. Digitizer
  5. A Car ;;)
  6. Little Nemo in Slumberland DVD/Comics
  7. SGURD HAHAHA just for kicks.
  8. Go stargazing
  9. 99 Red Balloons
  10. SECRET. HAHAHA. nah seriously, I have no idea. SURPRISE ME.
  11. Kikay kit. HAHA.
  12. Dress … and sandals.
  13. Whatever summer thing.

then reality hit me in the face: no one would bother…

Double edge.

Of all the incessant senseless introductions I’ve been formulating in the past week, there’s nothing that beats a straight smiling way of greeting everybody. Hello, World. How have you been? You seem to have left me and my calculus dreams behind. But that’s okay. There’s a vendo machine to keep me company.
A lot has happened and I cannot think about them, really. They’ve been haunting my only time of peace. I cannot tell; for the very first time, I’m holding myself back in telling something I really want to scream about. I cannot. I should not. I dare not to. There’s something with this week that made me feel empty and full altogether. I don’t know.

Sleepless nights and decaffeinated thrills surely kept me longing for any edible supplement available. Pig style is the way to go. Eat, sleep and eat some more. Forget the work and all that social responsibility. It’s all about the food, ain’t it? Maybe, maybe not. I hate to admit that LARD entered not only my vocabulary but also my once healthy bum. Now this is what I call cheap teenage talk.

Next, please.

My dear called me queen and I feel like one. I feel like a bug too. A filthy bug not willing to brush her teeth and take a bath and do her homework because all she did last night was throw herself on the bed, get her throw, and doze off to oblivious slumber. It’s the becoming of oneself she’s afraid of. If she looks at herself in the mirror, she might as well roll over the hills like a blow up doll with too much air in it. She is most certainly going to roll.

As much as I’d want to bare my soul to the whole world wide web, I deem it impossible. Maybe one day. But that day’s going to be overrated, so no one’s ever going to understand. It’s all sensationalized, believe me.

One day we all have to face the truth that we, humans, cannot take over the universe because we are only mere specks of dust in it. Our lives are filled with lies and the only truth in it is that we don’t know everything because we dodge every single true moment in our lives to feed off from those little alibis and theatrical stunts. Who knows the truth in the first place? I don’t know. I got caught in the moment of lying about people living their dear moments in lies. NYAHAHA. Maybe one day it’ll all unravel.

And maybe, it’s all a joke.

HA. HA. HA.

If you were a flower, what flower would you be and why?

Let me be the grass everybody takes for granted. Someday I’ll mutate and take over the world, and fill everybody’s lungs with chlorophyll.

Yeahuh.

This unfortunately chilly morning, I was having a good dream yet again until it got cut by something ringing. I thought it was just my dream but I figured someone was calling me in real life. I woke up and missed the call. It turns out that Loli dear wants me to sleep there. I hurriedly cleaned my room and packed my things. I thought I can study here but my nose is running and I can’t think straight. Wee. I want to go to Rite Aid and buy something. hahaha.

The point is… I’ll survive the day without my lappie. I will. I will.

It’s not highschool.

Fake smiles and fake teeth. Fake bums and fake colors. Fake everything. That’s what’s on some random site which people check out all the time.

Calculus, please love me back. You’re dominating my life. It’s driving me insane. This is only halfway. What if I break up with you. You’d love it, huh? Calculus. Love me back. I swear it’s not only my butt you’re sparing. I love you too much, but you do not notice me.

The ideals stand for their own.

I know tomorrow is cheese and terno day. I also know that I’m on hiatus with my social life. Someone please give me a Guy Fawkes’ mask. Life would seem so much better with that.

All the blood is down in my stomach, and I cannot think too well. Later, world.

Take me.

I’m sorry for what happened in Vtech. Condolences.

Though there are a lot of worse cases than mine, I feel like I’m a few feet nearer to the earth’s core right now. Calculus is not too hard considering that I understand the concept and application. It just hates me. I’m not fond of unrequited love and this one hurts – a lot. I’m learning to love the oh-so-great subject but it keeps on pushing me away. I made a mistake in computing for my current grade and that made me so paranoid. Anyhow, the right computation still qualifies me to become such a sucker at Calculus that I feel like I deserve to fly to Pluto. Remember, it’s not a planet anymore – and that sucks. I miss having Potatoes in the rhyme of the used-to-be nine planets. My Very Eager Mother Just Sold Us Nine Potatoes. Goodbye to darned Pluto. What did my very eager mother sell us?! HAH.

I see the light. YES. I do see it.

Calculus is still the Shiz.

Instead of subtracting, I added the DIFFERENCE FORMULA on the first number of my Calculus exam – I just found out. Isn’t that sweet? In contradiction to hopelessness in Calculus, wishful thinking would hopefully save me from oblivion. I’ve finished my Spanish homework and English journal (which isn’t even assigned yet). I’m hoping dear Calculus would give us another chance to take the freaking exam. It’s an awfully misunderstood mistake. I hate myself. Heh.

Filling my lack of Calculus brain power is my great procrastination power. Eh. Here’s a great list of things I want/need to do/buy when Mother Dearie, my great wallet, comes to the land of the free and the restless. haha:

  • Haircut.
  • A bronzer or anything gold for my face.
  • Rosehip Oil
  • WAX. HAHAHA
  • A new dress.
  • Whatever boomer for my birthday.

Speaking of which, I don’t know what to do on my debut yet. Should I still have a cotillion or some fancy formal party? Or should I just have a summer bash down the beach full of oil spills? Or a road trip to Las Vegas where I can run drunken naked down the strip? That’s tradition here. Maybe I should just go and buy a laptop or a car? I wish I had money though. Or should I simply stay home and stare off onto empty space and ponder on the tiny problems in life and make them big enough to fit the whole universe? I guess it’s all going to be a mediocre day preparing for the finals which is a week after my birthday. I don’t know. I wish I do.

Wee. I want to go shopping for summer. But I’m broke. That’s life. It’s so cute I want to squish it.

edit. FRUITS PLEASE??? I WANT FRUITS. UUUGH. I’M SO CRAVING FOR SOME STRAWBERRIES AND BANANAS AND APPLES AND GRAPES AND ATIS AND MANGOES AND EVERYTHING. waaah.

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