April Fools

    Thanks. I got fair share of the prank all right. If someone’s going to ask me how I am right now and how I felt last night, I’m not so sure of my answer, and I’m not so sure of myself either. Everything’s so fast and so slow at the same time. This is one of the worst Sundays ever. Last night was one of the best and worst nights in America, though. Gaaah. This instant state of confusion isn’t going to rub off anytime, is it? Because I hate not knowing what to do and what not to do. It’s like I’m starting to like my life here then all of a sudden there’s a big sign hitting me in the face saying I have to concentrate. Is college really like that? I’m not pretty sure. I don’t know anybody from back home who has not had friends in college and despised their company. Everybody needs an output once in a while. I didn’t mean to stay until too late yesterday. I’m sorry.

As much as I want to go back and press pause, I can’t. The events are taking place simultaneously, I cannot handle them anymore. There is…the pressure of getting high grades, conforming to tradition and yes, dears, religion. There’s also that slightest tick of peer pressure, which is pretty fun to adhere to. Then there’s my perfectionist, adolescent instinct to do the opposite of what is expected of me, and still try to meet their expectations. This is a pretty harsh world. It’s hard to please myself when I’m trying hard to please everybody, too.  Well, I end up disappointing everybody, and even myself, usually.

That’s not the point. What I want to say is… I don’t want to go back there because I’m starting to like my life here. But if I have to, then I will. And I shall face whatever humiliation I have put upon myself. This sucks.

Good chakra, come back.

April fools to me.


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