No.

There are two things bothering me tonight. Are they the problem or am I the problem?  It’s kind of official that I mess things up but come to think of it, no one has bothered to be patient enough to understand what or why I’m messing it up. Cut the crap darlings, I’m in some place six feet under the table. Will you please consider my useless rants? Or maybe, will you ever think of how important it is to blink?

You know what? I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.  I never told you the answer because I never intended to answer something that you NEVER ASKED. Then you’d blame me.  You told me you didn’t know. Okay, then.

Let me go.

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Earth, please split open, swallow me whole, spit me out and pass me onto the abyss of the universe…then i’ll get lost there and die.

please.

I let you down. I disappointed you. I ignored you. I sent you the wrong signals.

Damnit. Why is everybody angry with me? Am I really worth your ignorance and anger?

Gawd. Earth, when i say  CAKE, make sure you take me and do your thing okay?

Yea okay. I’m so in love with this band called CAKE b-but – – – whoops.

Why did positivity let me down?

After five days of having my sadistic and cynical set of rules implemented, I broke the first and most important rule of all. I am blaming my inability to control my tear glands whenever talk of heaven and hell are in play. Yes, world, I watched What Dreams May Come followed by Click. It felt odd and unfair. It felt dry, opposed to the supposed wetness due to those salty drops of emotional upheaval. I’m not blaming you, world, but what have you done that’s making me feel so flat and untainted? If only I can scream.

But cut the crap about that two letter word that rhymes with be, and starts with m and ends with e.

After a long time of staying there, we have finally left. I’m sad and happy. If there exists such a higher being, please do notice that which I implore you. It’s a very small favor. Snapping your fingers or blinking your eyes may do the trick. I don’t know, but please work your wonders because it is getting pretty dark.

Do you like music?

My cherished 9 minutes of freedom is almost over. I have to get back to the world of attention deficiency and drugs. The prunes are not working. Water is not making me feel better either. Goodnight.

edit.

My mind is dying. Oh my god. Caffeine withdrawal is probably equivalent to social suicide if you’re all alone in the morning.

Then it stops.

The end.

I am becoming delirious. ADHD runs in the family. Wee. I guess I have it too. Damnit. It’s a one man band – not a puppet on a one yard string. I know the predicaments of having such a boat but there’s no intention of switching parties. And I still am bitter. It’s like dark chocolate dipped in strawberry jam. I wish you all the best the world has to offer – and someday may it screw you up just as it had ruined my once pretty picture.

In this belligerent and cryptic note, let’s go kaboom.

I am Human.

Rules of this new undefined life:

  1. Thou shall not cry.
  2. Thou shall live free of interpersonal dependence.
  3. Thou shall believe in nothing but black and white.
  4. Thou shall eat a banana a day.
  5. Thou shall not speak of thyself as much.
  6. Thou shall try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
  7. Thou shan’t fear anything.
  8. Thou shan’t procrastinate.
  9. Thy neighbors are thy enemies for they make noise at midnight.
  10. Thou shall not enjoy the worldly nor spiritual pleasures of life. Thy existence is only a joke – a sarcastic joke filled with misunderstandings and errors.
  11. Masochism is not thy ultimate solution. Bondage can also work.
  12. Thy life ends just before midnight. Too bad you missed it.

In this parting, I shall dare not react too much due to selfish tendencies. But I tell you, it was great. It was everything. And if this were not a journey, then I would have stayed. This is the part where I regret and hate myself for doing so. This is the part where I feel like I am Human. This is the part where the only living part of me dies.
And though it may sound so obviously emo or downright exaggerated, you’ll know this feeling when you get here. I’m not aggravating it nor am I giving you even half of what I have tonight. ‘Tis less than a peek. So don’t you dare tell me how I should feel tonight. Just for tonight.

Tonight, she learns and yearns for what left her behind. It is in his silence that she fears she cannot change things. And in this dead silence, her fears breathe life.

Hit me up.

Should I pick the lesser evil or go for the gold? The obscurity of consequences are overwhelming just as they are redemptive. Lingering on movie quotes and song lines, this night is pretty much stale. I’ve been cynical since who-knows-when and things are starting to prove that they are simply black and white. If it’s a contract I can spill my blood on, there’s a pair of scissors waiting on my pen holder. No one’s perfect and I cannot pick which imperfection I’m willing to accept to see things perfectly. The heck, I’m still stuck on old games and historic candies. I’d be immaculate without them though. I’m sure the fluidity in context of writing style is pretty much going down the drain tonight but what the heck. Nobody puts baby in the corner. Ah, if only I’m not this fickle-minded and selfish. But I am. Cut the crap, world. You’re making me think too much.

Gah. I’m pissed. I don’t want to study just yet. I know there’s a lot to cram today but I cannot condition myself. The f-. 😐

Continental Breakfast and Atlantic Dreams

“I don’t know.”

Yes, I’d rather leave it at that. Thinking about it would sensationalize the issue and it might hinder all mankind from creating a Death Star. Tell me, is it that bad too feel this numb? Let me in. I just want to make that certain power nap dream breathe in life. But is that even possible if racially speaking, I’m being myself too much?

class Trisha

{
public:
Trisha(int girl = 100, string expression = “leche”, moment = sleep);
goo getBrain();
nuts setBrain();
set<3(string = “…”);

private:
bs();
kubetacore();
Trisha soul();
};

You’ll see how my self-loving is affected by the embedding of computer language to my soul. It’s not enough though. That’s just the public class of the whole inheritance is-a and composition has-a block.  Ayee.

Let’s just forget the world. Please? 

An open letter to the world.

Don’t even get me started.

You. It’s been a while since we’ve had any fruitful conversation whatsoever. And I’m glad we’re having this empty air between us. It’ll make me miss you more than I could possibly comprehend.

You. I can’t show you how desperate I am. You’re like a collector’s item action figure that I can’t take out of the box and play with. You’re right beside me but I can’t tell you how much I want to spend time with you and at least give you a hug. You’re right there and all I can do is lock myself up in my room wishing I had been born with a honey-coated valentine-kissed brain.

You. We’ve been avoiding this for a long time now. I don’t know if it’s my instinct or if it’s really you who’s telling me about something which we do not talk about. What was that certain understanding of having that fine line between this and that. You talk in tongues only you can understand. And you expect the world’s sympathy. How in pluto’s descent is that possible if all you do is keep yourself a secret to everybody? You know you cannot keep it long enough to reach the point when you forget all about what you’re clamoring on right now. All you have to do is ask. You’re scared too, huh?

You. You have changed. You have become the things you loathed when you were younger. You have become your worst nightmare. So you think coating your room with red makes you feel alive? It doesn’t.  You cannot move your arse off your chair because you’re afraid. You’re too scared of the world. What does it have against you that you don’t possess yourself? Come on. You know what you want. But you know you cannot have everything either. Wake up.

You know you’re too lazy to cause a revolution but you’re too good to think about it once in a while. You know you won’t settle for anything less than the best but you’re too scared to make a move. You know you can change things or at least meet your own standards. You know you can.

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