Hi friend.

Based from what I’ve held up for more or less 18 years of existence, I’m proud to say that I’m too old for drama. Drama meaning teenage melodramatic rants filled with hormones, alcohol and a hint of chlorine. I’m saying goodbye to all the uncertainties I’ve created just to say that I’m a normal emo teenager filled with nonsensical worries. I’m saying goodbye to nicotine lungs and ethyl hearts. I’m saying goodbye to inside jokes no one ever really understands. This is a day I shall always remember that I learned to keep it all to myself and if whatever that is tries to come out, I’ll just cough my way through.

It’s a different life I should have accepted  8 months ago. Life, I’m sorry that was 8 months of lies that you had to put up with. Seventeen is never easy. That’s what I learned. It’s full of notoriety and illusions of false hope. I miss those days when everything was so simple and so boring. We wandered off to the place where motors sleep, off to the setting sun, waiting for that Arabian murderer to get us. He never came. It was all in our head, and maybe, you’re running away cause of what’s playing in your head, too. We survived by feeding our egos with frisson and probabilities of good lives. Maybe the only way we can get what we’ve always wanted is by falling and bleeding till our kneecaps show. Or maybe, this is still a lie we’re making ourselves believe.

I miss the days when everything seemed right, and all my problems were shallow. I miss the days when all we can do is roll over the grass and complain how boring our lives were. I suppose you don’t miss them as much as I do. All I’m asking for my birthday is to sit down and have a nice chat like the good old days. I guess I’m mistaken. You’ve got your own. To each his own.

And as much as I want to force myself to think that this is all a test, it’s not. SO NOT. This is fucking reality, dear life. You have to understand that. Your 18th birthday does not mean a thing compared to all the rocks the world is throwing at you.

Anyway, goodbye friend. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, and I hope you won’t forget to read that tiny picture message I sent you.

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