Spring ’08.

Let’s just say Fall 2006 till Winter 2008 taught me not to expect too much, to plan too soon, and to even think too deep. This time, it’s not going to dwell on the past, nor is it rushed to the future. I’m going to live one day at a time even though time seems to be hurrying these days.  I don’t know what to write. So, I’ll draw instead. Be back whenever.

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Sad.

They are all the same. They may have different styles, but they all have the same final motive. Lame.

Can’t.

YOU are a hoax people made up just to gain power and control over others. YOU make my life seem intolerable. YOU are the reason people look up to because YOU are the only one who can do the impossible. But CAN YOU?! YOU’RE NOT HERE.  YOU’RE making it hard for everyone. If you want everybody to learn their lesson, just give them a straight answer. Don’t let them suffer their whole lives and learning that YOU’RE just a relative icon fabricated by the ones YOU SUPPOSEDLY created.

YOU are a very gullible hypocrite. YOU say one thing and do otherwise. An unforgettable one night trip to “heaven” and you’re putting everybody on a leash to hell. You feel so righteous yet you’ve never looked at a mirror. I’m not going to question your ways of coping with the unreasonable jealousy you experience with other people, but heck, if you’re such a wise person, you should know how much you’re wasting on whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re one of the good reasons why I don’t believe in what I believed in three years ago.

I hate promises. I know I break the ones I make, so I try not to make them. I hate comparing because there’s a tendency to evaluate things rather than simply compare one with the other. I hate waiting because there’s no point in waiting for uncertainty. I hate not completely understanding everything I should be aware of. I hate not feeling guilty about making other people work for me. I hate being so fucking dependent. I hate being so helpless. I hate how you make me hope for things I know I cannot have. Most of all, I hate dreaming big cause I know I’m so small.

Stolen from Ryan

1. How long have you been breathing?
1 sec.

2. Are you Single?
sometimes.

3. Have you cried today at all?
no

5. Do you want to be in a relationship?
what kind?

6. Do you actually believe in perfection?
no.

7. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
both. i’d like half of the sky sunny and the ohter half rainy.

8. Have you been to New York City?
photoshopping myself in postcards, yes.

9. What do you think about before you go to bed?
another day.

10. Take any medication?
lots.

11. Last time you did laundry?
yesterday

12. Do you fight with your parents all the time?
when i was still living under their roof.

13. Just went out with a girl/guy because you were desperate and they asked you out?
can’t remember. not planning to remember.

14. Last voicemail you received?
“tell me if you wanna go to the sumo competition..”

15. Who were the last people to lay in bed with you?
polar bears..

16. Where did you sleep last night?
my “area”

18. Do you want kids?
a dozen.

19. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
nah.

20. Where is your phone?
under my pillow

21. How many close friends do you have?
there’s a handful of them when you wanna go crazy.

22. What is your sisters name?
trina

23. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yes

24. Favorite sit down restaurant?
anywhere ecoli free.

25. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
when i’m drunk.

26. what color is your hair?
black brown and somewhat orange. -_-

25. Do you have wisdom teeth?
yep.

28. When is your next road trip?
monday, to pcc.

29. What are you listening to?
tita taan’s concentrator.

30. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
never ever.

31. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from on your cell phone?
my aunt.

32. Would rain actually stop you from going somewhere or ruin your plans?
it depends.

33. Do you get nervous with public speaking?
all the time. it doesn’t even have to be public

34. Ever been in a wedding?
yea

35. Myspace or Facebook?
facebook.

36. Who sits next to you at school?
my classmate

7. What type of guy/girl do you usually fall for?
the clever ones who turn out to be jerks.

38. Last time you saw your parents?
last year.

29. What woke you up this morning?
my grandma shouting downstairs

30. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
yea…

31. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
hopefully.

32. Did you kiss or hug anyone yesterday?
not that i’m aware of.

33. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
my grandma and aunt.

34. What was your first thought this morning?

i dont want to do homework.

35. Do long distance relationships work?
trust me, it doesn’t.

36. Who is your number one on myspace?
my cousin.

37. Who do you wish you were with right now?
my family

38. Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?
talk.

39.Do u listen to music everyday?
yes. it’s in my head.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
lard

41. Are you a fast typer?
i guess

42. What are you doing tonight?
forcing myself to sleep

43. Is anything bothering u?
you don’t want to know.

44. Do you miss someone?
ugh.

45. What do you want to do right now?
create a time machine.

46. Are you listening to music right now?
noooo.

47. Are you in a bad mood?
yea. i don’t want to do homework.

48. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
no everybody’s sleeping.

49. When were you the saddest in your life?
here.

50. Have you ever loved someone and were too scared to tell them?
yea.

51. Are you a jealous person?
very

52. What are you allergic to?
certainly not alcohol.

53. Whose car were you in last?
my aunt’s

54. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
no idea. till my brain bleeds.

55. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
the other night

56. What are some things that are needed in a relationship?
popcorn, lord of the rings, a couple of polar bear stuffed toys, other toys, and a roller coaster in my backyard.

66. What are you doing right now?
wishing for a miracle.

WAH.

LINTE.

WRITER’S BLOCK.

9 HOURS TO GO.

LINTE.

Pro-pro-procrastination.

It’s hard to stay awake because it’s cold. I feel it embracing me to sleep, but I say no. There are so many things to be done although there are some other things that I want to do. Want is different from need as it is different from must. Unfortunately, procrastination is such a sweet word I shamelessly regret doing these past few weeks. If only I had self-control and discipline made of steel, then maybe I can finish what I have to finish, and ace it too.

I’m just saying this. The whole universe would probably have to conspire against my easily distracted mind just to set it straight.This brain works in random unpredictable squiggles. Oh if only it’s possible to program one’s mind to do one task at a time without idling on other crap.

Bull.

This is nonsense.

Who’s winning? Democratic party? Sweet milk.

Sleepless

Tonight, there isn’t much to think about ‘xcept for some stuff that never really got their way through the past year. What do we say when we talk about connections? If it’s online, there’s a big chance that it’s fake. If it’s in person, you’re likely to see liars. If there’s no connection at all, then you’re dumb lucky and cursed at the same time. When you’re at this age, it’s too early. When you’re past this, you’re damn old – you’re more likely to be hit by lightning than to find someone.

There’s no pressure. There’s just the constant nagging at the back of your head telling you that when you need a hug or two, everyone’s too busy. That voice tells you how your brain has lost its power to make you blush, to feel something more than a heartbeat, to make you say some name just because your brain tells you it sounds so nice. (no, you’re not a stalker) There’s no pressure. But there will be once you succeed in silencing that voice at the back of your mind. Someone else will talk. Many will talk. It’s an inevitable force that you can’t escape. It’s that four letter word that makes you cringe. Your equals get goosebumps at the very word. That makes you say “no, dear voice in my head, you have to wait until THAT is gone or until you’re out of THAT’s jurisdiction.”

Is it the paranoia that’s making me feel this? Or should we all just move to Pluto and escape politics?

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