Me.

I apologize for the very conceited post, but this has to be.

As much as I would want to keep this to myself and as much as my mind is contradicting me, I miss you.

 

Okay end of story moving on.

“Muevelo.” Oh let me see other versions.. muevete? mueveme? Crap. I want to do something with my life… and so I decided to write. Someone stopped me from mediocrity (yes it’s the word of the day). There is so much more to life than ADV1’s ADV4’s …manager ones two and threes… directors and ceo’s… to break room coffees, hello pandas, sour punch and ginger tea. Life has a lot in store aside from khaki pants, purple checkered polos, red polka dot socks. The big bang sure created so much more than weekly achievements that mostly relate to code fixes, system updates, new requirements, old requirements that were missed, lack of authorizations, poor design, and all that crap. I’m pretty sure that aside from the celestial bodies, time, space, and matter, the big bang also created dreams and aspirations and world changing ideas and wonderful people and that thing called greatness. I’m sure many have made buckets of money over books on greatness but how does that determine the measure of greatness? It should be relative, right? Well how do you measure one’s standards if one’s standards aren’t even set? Someday we’ll know.

I want to change the world. Join me.

Thoughts.

“You either you do, or you don’t”

“Well what if you do?”

“Then you’re screwed.”

“What if you don’t?”

“You’re still screwed.”

Apologies to those thrown back by the cynicism and lack of faith. We all know the world would not end too soon. A little sacrifice goes a long way, after all…right? Who said that in the first place? Who was the genius who said give up your shit and follow me, make me rich? He ought to be a saint by now, which I wouldn’t doubt. This is rather a discourse on religion, not faith. Are all religions like this at some point? It’s similar to organized crime minus the publicized armor and tattoos, add halo and chants. But that’s not what we’re here for, is it?

I wonder how faith is measured. Will there be a checklist before you die? Or is there an ongoing checklist? Is the measure based on a global metric? Are your results compared to those before you? Will I pass? If I can’t trust myself or others, does that mean I don’t have faith in God either? Oh I’m doomed.

Water.

You have deemed yourself unworthy of anything. By this, you are unworthy of anything that is classified as a living thing and anything that tastes like a rice cracker. Now for the next test. I know you may have not yet passed the first one, but be prepared.

Test 2: Cleanliness. You are to be rid of all mutable entities. If and when you fail, you will become nothing but the rest of them. Now, if you know what to do, then why aren’t you doing it? Clean up your mess, your act. Get those bloody hands washed and your filthy hair rinsed. Once you are finished, you shall clean your surroundings. It should be rid of all things that may hinder you from becoming alive. Then clean yourself again. Your hands have been dirtied by the soil on which you stand.

Haste, my dear. Time is chasing you.

Letter.

While cleaning the throne of nature, I was saying to myself, “what if you talk to her and tell her what she has to accept? it would not change much if she refuses to change her mind but at least you tried.”

so, IF she ever sees this, I do hope she listens.

More

Can’t.

YOU are a hoax people made up just to gain power and control over others. YOU make my life seem intolerable. YOU are the reason people look up to because YOU are the only one who can do the impossible. But CAN YOU?! YOU’RE NOT HERE.  YOU’RE making it hard for everyone. If you want everybody to learn their lesson, just give them a straight answer. Don’t let them suffer their whole lives and learning that YOU’RE just a relative icon fabricated by the ones YOU SUPPOSEDLY created.

YOU are a very gullible hypocrite. YOU say one thing and do otherwise. An unforgettable one night trip to “heaven” and you’re putting everybody on a leash to hell. You feel so righteous yet you’ve never looked at a mirror. I’m not going to question your ways of coping with the unreasonable jealousy you experience with other people, but heck, if you’re such a wise person, you should know how much you’re wasting on whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re one of the good reasons why I don’t believe in what I believed in three years ago.

I hate promises. I know I break the ones I make, so I try not to make them. I hate comparing because there’s a tendency to evaluate things rather than simply compare one with the other. I hate waiting because there’s no point in waiting for uncertainty. I hate not completely understanding everything I should be aware of. I hate not feeling guilty about making other people work for me. I hate being so fucking dependent. I hate being so helpless. I hate how you make me hope for things I know I cannot have. Most of all, I hate dreaming big cause I know I’m so small.

Dear YOU,

If only Satan gives out free wildcards to random people…

You know what? There’s this big ball of pride, idealism, perfectionism, tradition, and self-righteous vanity that has your name on it. Maybe you dropped it, or you’re just making the world see who you really are, but it’s not working the way you want it to, dear. I don’t think you want people to rush off to the other side of the street when they see you, do you? You must be suffering some serious identity crisis. No, you’re not Hitler.

This may seem a coward’s path of confronting you – through the back door. But telling this to your face would mean going against my own principles in life. I don’t talk back to elders, but I do question their way of thinking. By the way, is this how your brain once worked? Tell me, were you really this stiff when you were my age?

Don’t older people have to be more understanding because of their self-proclaimed wisdom and knowledge gained from their years and years of experiences? Then why are you very inconsiderate, self-righteous and hypocritical? You have mocked my parents’ ways of disciplining their children, but you don’t even have one. How can you possibly insult them in front of me? What’s funny is how you make yourself look so saintly but your heart is as black as everyone else’s.

Please don’t say one thing and do the other. Stick to your word. It’s called INTEGRITY. And please let me sleep at night without hearing your incessant rants at the back of my head. I can’t believe you had the guts to argue even if you know the grave consequences it might bring.

You are not nor will you ever match with my MOM.