Me.

I apologize for the very conceited post, but this has to be.

As much as I would want to keep this to myself and as much as my mind is contradicting me, I miss you.

 

Okay end of story moving on.

“Muevelo.” Oh let me see other versions.. muevete? mueveme? Crap. I want to do something with my life… and so I decided to write. Someone stopped me from mediocrity (yes it’s the word of the day). There is so much more to life than ADV1’s ADV4’s …manager ones two and threes… directors and ceo’s… to break room coffees, hello pandas, sour punch and ginger tea. Life has a lot in store aside from khaki pants, purple checkered polos, red polka dot socks. The big bang sure created so much more than weekly achievements that mostly relate to code fixes, system updates, new requirements, old requirements that were missed, lack of authorizations, poor design, and all that crap. I’m pretty sure that aside from the celestial bodies, time, space, and matter, the big bang also created dreams and aspirations and world changing ideas and wonderful people and that thing called greatness. I’m sure many have made buckets of money over books on greatness but how does that determine the measure of greatness? It should be relative, right? Well how do you measure one’s standards if one’s standards aren’t even set? Someday we’ll know.

I want to change the world. Join me.

Thoughts.

“You either you do, or you don’t”

“Well what if you do?”

“Then you’re screwed.”

“What if you don’t?”

“You’re still screwed.”

Apologies to those thrown back by the cynicism and lack of faith. We all know the world would not end too soon. A little sacrifice goes a long way, after all…right? Who said that in the first place? Who was the genius who said give up your shit and follow me, make me rich? He ought to be a saint by now, which I wouldn’t doubt. This is rather a discourse on religion, not faith. Are all religions like this at some point? It’s similar to organized crime minus the publicized armor and tattoos, add halo and chants. But that’s not what we’re here for, is it?

I wonder how faith is measured. Will there be a checklist before you die? Or is there an ongoing checklist? Is the measure based on a global metric? Are your results compared to those before you? Will I pass? If I can’t trust myself or others, does that mean I don’t have faith in God either? Oh I’m doomed.

Can’t.

YOU are a hoax people made up just to gain power and control over others. YOU make my life seem intolerable. YOU are the reason people look up to because YOU are the only one who can do the impossible. But CAN YOU?! YOU’RE NOT HERE.  YOU’RE making it hard for everyone. If you want everybody to learn their lesson, just give them a straight answer. Don’t let them suffer their whole lives and learning that YOU’RE just a relative icon fabricated by the ones YOU SUPPOSEDLY created.

YOU are a very gullible hypocrite. YOU say one thing and do otherwise. An unforgettable one night trip to “heaven” and you’re putting everybody on a leash to hell. You feel so righteous yet you’ve never looked at a mirror. I’m not going to question your ways of coping with the unreasonable jealousy you experience with other people, but heck, if you’re such a wise person, you should know how much you’re wasting on whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re one of the good reasons why I don’t believe in what I believed in three years ago.

I hate promises. I know I break the ones I make, so I try not to make them. I hate comparing because there’s a tendency to evaluate things rather than simply compare one with the other. I hate waiting because there’s no point in waiting for uncertainty. I hate not completely understanding everything I should be aware of. I hate not feeling guilty about making other people work for me. I hate being so fucking dependent. I hate being so helpless. I hate how you make me hope for things I know I cannot have. Most of all, I hate dreaming big cause I know I’m so small.

The letter ECH (H)

Life scares me. Drifting through overrated biblical gossip and talk show sermons, there’s not much difference between the two. One teaches you how to live to go to heaven with an amputated arm or a bloody side burn. One blabbers on how to make heaven a place on earth – and think about the afterlife when you’re dead. (Wink. Wink.)  It’s all a matter of perspective on looking at what’s right and what’s wrong… or am I simply corrupting my own mind with too new age thoughts that my supposed predefined set of values? We’re only feeding our minds on what we think will do us some change – or some constancy.

Maybe I’ll simply base my faith on flipping quarters or swallowing pennies and wondering where it went. And in the process of unlocking the mysteries of heaven, humankind shall make their own heaven, another Sodom and Gomorrah, another talk show in Cyberland. If that still does not solve my dilemma, just take me to the nearest mental institution. They’ve got enough white walls to set illusions of nirvana. They’ve got enough straitjackets to force me to metanoia.

Let’s bet we’ll all go back to where we came from.

But who knows, some little nincompoop might discover the sorcerer’s stone or the fountain of youth or the grass that grows on heaven’s little park and we’d all live happily ever after.

(H is for heaven, hell and hydro cortisone. And yes, dears, that’s how people say the letter H in the third world. ECH.)